Advanced mindfulness and emotional releasing

If we wnat to take our mindfulness and emotional releasing practice to another and even more effective level we have to look at the deeper seated reasons why we have the unwanted or negative feelings in the first place. Which place are they coming from?

It has been said by various schools of psychology over the years that we have four basic 'wants' that underly our behavious. the first one is the 'want' or 'need' for security and safety within ourselves. the second one is the 'want' or 'need' for control. We all consciously or sub-consciously want control over somethinfs, or many things, in our lives and when we don't get it we may feel disempowered in some way. The third one is the 'need' for separation from others, the need to be separate in some way. The last one is the 'want' of approval in some way. Our egos require that at times we are approved of by friends or family or partners perhaps.

How then can we use these basic 'needs' or 'wants' to improve our emotional releasing?

OK here goes - When you have a negative or unwanted feeling - one of those that keeps on rearing it's head when you least wnat it too - firstly be mindful of it again. Stay with the feeling for a short time, perhapsp a minute or so, as you are with the feelings (witnessing it) become aware of which need or want is lying beneath it. Is it a feeling of not having enough control, is it a fear feeling where you lack enough security or sense of safety. Only when you have identified it and only when say to yourself the modified question below

"(Your name), could you welcome this feeling of wanting control, (or safety, or approval, or separation)?"

And then ask:

"(Your name), could you welcome this feeling of wanting control even more, (or safety, or approval, or separation)?"

Or you could ask this other question below:

"(Your name), could you just allow this feeling of wanting security to be here, (or wanting control, approval or separation)?"

And then ask:

"(Your name), could you just allow this feeling of wanting security to be here even more, (or wanting control, approval or separation)?"

Then just become aware of any changes inside of you, if you have to say the questions a few more times that is OK. But be mindful first and then once you have identified the underlying want or need use the appropriate question. If you really can't identify initially the wnat or need simply go through all the categories until you feel a shift in you rinternal state.

There is tremendous power in knowing that at least the majority of the time you can change your internal responses to things when you would like. You can do this discretly too during your day as no-one else will know what you are doing. Don't forget to place a hand over your heart or on your mid-sternum to help feel the feeling and become more mindful of it. Do not rush the process, it won't take long to shift the feeling, sometimes just a few moments.

Warning:
Please do not try this technique on really intense feelings like phobic reactions or panic attacks as it will not work. There are other more effective methods on this site to deal with those.

If you find that on occasions these two questions do not work because the feeling is stubborn for some reason use this question below:

"(Your name), could you go in consciousness to the core of this feeling ?"

For example:

" Fred, could you go in consciousness to the core of this feeling of wanting control, (or approval, separation or security) ?"

And then ask:

"Fred, could you go even deeper in consciousness to the core of this feeling of wanting control, (or security or approval or separation) ?"

Good luck with this technique. After just a short while it becomes a great tool for changing your mental state and even for stress management.